It's unfair and downright inaccurate to say that all Priests do is touch kids.. they also do other terrible, weird and horribly unlawful things. So, from masturbating in front of police to stalking late night show host Conan O'Brien, here are the top 8 weirdest, most shocking and downright WTF actions of priests in recent time.
1. Priest Fakes Illness, Steals $1.3 Million
Imagine you hate your job. Like really, really hate your job. And that you kind of look like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. You most likely would have the incentive to start a new career, or go back to school, or maybe volunteer.
For the honorable Rev. Kevin Gray of Waterbury, Conn., priesthood wasn't exactly the most fulfilling of positions. So instead of parting ways with his parish and seek better pastures, he steals 1.3 million dollars over a period of seven years from the congregation.
And what did he spend it on? Male escorts in New York City, baby!
He was also spending around 50,000 dollars for things like Louis Vuitton goods and gym fees. He paid for the community college tuition of one of his male "payees" and he paid for piano lessons and veterinarian bills for another man he met in Central Park.
"He's certainly an example of someone who was leading a double life,” the police said after he was investigated and arrested. Indeed.
The worst part? He told his congregation he was suffering from cancer to gain medical leave and spend all that money.
2. Caught Groping in the Woods
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
A 21 year old male needing to relieve himself did just that by finding a secluded spot in the woods behind a Park 'N' Ride off a popular State Route.
The event plays out like a scenario from a horror film.
Alone in the woods and suspect to such dangers as serial killers, hypodermic needles or bear attacks, the man was attacked by... a priest *scary music*. While the man was urinating, the priest saw his opportunity and pounced, touching him "inappropriately."
Emile R. Boutin, Jr. had allegedly followed the young man into the woods after tailgating his car a-la Jeepers Creepers. When the incident happened, the young man dashed off to his car, wrote the license plate number of the car next to his, and busted the hell out of there.
You can almost imagine what the young man must have been thinking and how he was most likely screaming his head off. It's unknown if Boutin tried to chase him back to his car, hands outstretched and all, but in the end, he was subsequently arrested for indecent assault and battery.
Amazingly, the local church still has a site up where you can get intimate (not that way) with Boutin's biography . Weird.
3. Likes to Jog Naked
Like many people, Rev. Robert Whipkey likes to go jogging. And like most people, he sweats profusely. But instead of investing in a few sweatbands or a pair of boxers, Whipkey sheds the clothes and runs naked before dawn at the local high school track -- by far the best place to jog naked if you don't want to get caught.
"I'm a heavy man, and wearing clothing while running makes me sweat profusely," = his excuse.
Although to be fair, he did run with the piece of cloth he used to cover himself up when a police officer saw him and shined his flashlight upon him. Whipkey hasn’t been caught whipping it out since. Maybe he's changed his hours.
4. Masturbating In Front of Undercover Cops
He had just retired from being a priest for 27 years when Chester King gave the signal for a man to approach him in San Antonio's Olmos Park.
King launched a conversation with the man that quickly veered into sexual in nature and at some point into sexual exposure: King had began to masturbate in front of the man. He was subsequently arrested on site. As it turns out, that man was an undercover officer.
After his retirement, King had spent his time as a substitute for several of clergymen who went on vacation. He told the officer that he was a priest and occasionally visited the park before church during his retirement. And just like that, he proceeded to pleasure himself.
It’s unknown if he was doing it because he was really, really bored in retirement.
5. Stalking Conan O'Brien. Yes, Really.
In 2007 (apparently a really horrible year for priests), Rev. David Ajemian was arrested outside of NBC studios at 30 Rockefeller Plaza for trying to get in to see Conan O'Brien's show at the time. He'd also been stalking Conan for about 14 months.
The priest was charged with writing threatening notes to O'Brien (on his parish's letterhead for some reason) which contained references to himself as "your priest stalker." The priest also contacted Conan's parents at some point, which is where he really crossed the line.
When he was denied entry to Conan's show, he said "is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans?'
"I want a public confession before I ever consider giving you absolution - or a spot on your couch," he said. A confession of what, was never determined.
6. Thou Shalt Shoplift From Large Chain Stores
Back in December 2009, Father Tim Jones in York, UK preached a sermon to those failing to make ends meet for the holidays.
"My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift." He then said that it was a better option than "prostituting, stealing or burglary".
This caused a media storm, but the advice seemed to be taken to heart in the church. A month later, Rev. Steven F. Poole was arrested on charges of shoplifting. And to follow the good Father’s exact words, he robbed from a local Wal-Mart in West City, IL.
"The strong temptation is to burgle or rob... others go towards prostitution, a nightmare world of degradation ... others towards suicide. Instead, I would rather that they shoplift," said Jones, who inspired Poole's illegal activity.
Amazing.
What did he steal? Police caught the Reverend on camera failing to scan a container of butter worth $3.22 (I guess they scanned it later) and a $60 dollar sofa cover at the self-checkout lane.
But instead of taking the butter and run for it, Poole took his cart to pick up a memory foam mattress, changed the bar code with that of another item, and saved himself 114 dollars back at the checkout lane.
What the report never said was in what state of mind was Poole in to make him buy a vat of butter and a foam mattress at the same time. The two really don’t go together, unless you’re into that sort of thing.
7. Priest Shows Up Blackout Drunk For Eulogy, Starts A Fight
Funerals can be a hard thing to bear. And perhaps even harder to officiate, which in this case, may explain Father Bonaventure Ouedraogo’s showing up at a eulogy he was supposed to give completely wasted. It’s one thing to imagine a priest drunk, it’s another to picture him “barely standing” trying to deliver words of comfort.
It was only natural that the family asked the Father to leave, but they immediately took it back once they realized he would be too drunk to even safely operate a vehicle.
So, when they tried to stop him from getting in his car, the Father started getting pissed. When they helped him get off the ground as he stumbled around, the Father really took offense. So he grabbed one mourner and “punched him repeatedly in the face”. Cops were called and he was arrested.
According to the brother of the deceased, "The man who was punched had been trying to help Father Bonaventure by pulling him to his feet."
The church imposed no discipline for the incident. However, rumor has it he is not allowed to officiate a communion. It would be fun to guess how many sips of wine the Father could get through.
8. Priest Stalks The Homeless
Assistant pastor Shelly Hall helped run the Faithful and True Ministries homeless program and, in his spare time, stalked the homeless patrons who went to his shelter.
Hall was arrested under suspicion that he continually stalked a homeless woman who had visited the shelter before. He would confront her and ask questions in a threatening manner.
So, naturally, she left to stay at a hotel (somehow).
But Hall followed and looked for her at least 3 times before being charged. He was ousted and the church changed names altogether, wanting to wipe the slate clean.
But remaining Faithful and True to his stalking cause, Hall was arrested AGAIN a month later, this time for stalking one of the board members of the homeless shelter he once was a part of. Along with following the member around town, Hall and his wife also sent over 120 text messages (calling him “white devil”) and prank called him endlessly.
Popular 90s prank-calling icons, The Jerky Boys, (and other outdated kinds of comedians/recreation) were not available for comment.
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